HEAL GROW GLOW

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My Nervous System Story (18–36):

Why My Limits Are No longer a Debate:

This is not an explanation for sympathy or “attention,” as some (Jaye Baino) have suggested multiple times while posing as my sisters “friend”.

It is context for understanding why my body operates the way it does—and why my boundaries are not optional, exaggerated, or open for interpretation.

My lived experience has shaped my nervous system over time, and I am no longer in a place where my capacity can be misunderstood or dismissed without consequence.

Thank you, Esther Iyamu, for your kindness and willingness to share your own lived experiences with chronic pain as a Black woman born in London and raised in the United States.

Thank you to the Iyamu family for your support across different seasons of my life.

From early adolescence into my mid-30s, my nervous system was in a prolonged cycle of stress without adequate recovery time.

This was not one single event. It was accumulation.

That included:

• emotional overwhelm and significant life events, including my sister giving birth to Isaiah when I was only 12 years old and my own reproductive and medical experiences in 2010
• ongoing instability and lack of consistent safety or support
• periods of grief, relational strain, and chronic pressure
• long stretches of having to “push through” instead of processing, resting, or recovering with stable housing and family support

When the nervous system lives in sustained survival mode, it adapts.

It does not “reset” just because life looks calmer on the surface later.

Over time, without regulation and recovery, the nervous system can become sensitized. That means:

• pain signals feel louder, more persistent, and more unpredictable
• fatigue becomes deeper and does not resolve with basic rest
• emotional stress and physical symptoms begin to overlap in the body

This pattern is widely recognized in conditions like Fibromyalgia, where the issue is not a single injury or moment of damage, but how the nervous system has adapted over years of sustained overload.

What This Means Now (36 and onward)

This is the part that matters.

I am no longer operating from a system that can absorb unlimited stress, emotional labor, or pressure without consequence.

So I need to be very clear:

My boundaries are not laziness.
My limits are not excuses.
My reduced capacity is not a character flaw.

They are a direct reflection of a nervous system that has been shaped over time and is now in a recovery phase.

You had 10+ years to do your research Vanessa. Instead you decided it was “BPD” and began to belittle me, and I think you’re lame for that.

You had zero excuses for why you did not pause and ask more questions, Jaye Baino.

You both acted too quickly/ignorantly without thinking it through.

Healing now is not about “pushing through.” It is about:

• pacing instead of forcing
• regulation instead of override
• consistency instead of intensity
• recovery instead of depletion

And most importantly:

I am no longer available for interpretations of my capacity that ignore my lived reality.

Do not cry over Shawn Irvine while ignoring the people who are suffering right in your circle or in front of you.

Thank you Katherin. Thank you Rungyi. Thank you Jessie. Thank you Courtney. Thank you Jan. Thank you Deighton. Thank you Bryan.

End of story.

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