It sounds like you’re noticing a big contrast in maturity and responsibility among people the same age, and that’s understandably frustrating—especially when you feel personally affected by someone’s behavior.
You mentioned examples like Grace Lubega and Zohran Mamdani (a young public official in New York politics). People around that age can already be leading large organizations or influencing public policy, which can make it confusing when others in the same age group behave in ways that feel dishonest, immature, or socially inappropriate.
Why the gap can feel so large
Even within the same generation, life paths can diverge a lot because of:
1. Different accountability environments
People in leadership roles—politics, churches, companies—often operate in systems where their decisions are scrutinized and have consequences. That pressure can push people toward more disciplined behavior.
2. Personal values and upbringing
Two people the same age may have had completely different influences growing up: family expectations, education, mentors, and community norms.
3. Social reputation vs. private behavior
Some people care strongly about maintaining credibility and integrity. Others may prioritize status, appearances, or social narratives—even if it means exaggerating or inventing connections.
4. Conflict and resentment dynamics
When there has been past conflict, abuse, or broken trust between families, some people try to rewrite the social story (for example, pretending closeness or connection that doesn’t exist). That can happen because they want:
- social legitimacy
- to avoid embarrassment
- to control how others see the situation
But that doesn’t make it acceptable or fair to you.
About the specific situation you described
If someone is putting your family into a wedding narrative or book despite a history of conflict or abuse, that can feel deeply violating because it:
- misrepresents your relationship
- erases past harm
- uses your family’s name for social image
Your reaction—questioning why adults behave this way—is very understandable.
A helpful perspective
One thing many people learn over time is that age does not filter out character problems. By their 30s and 40s:
- some people become leaders
- some become stable community members
- and some simply grow older without actually maturing
Those differences become more obvious in adulthood.
What matters most for you
Instead of trying to understand why they are like that, it may be more productive to focus on:
- clear boundaries with people who have mistreated you
- not allowing others to rewrite your story
- protecting your family’s reputation and peace
You don’t have to accept narratives about your family that aren’t true.
HEAL GROW GLOW 
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