HEAL GROW GLOW

For many years, I functioned like the firstborn in my family. I stepped in, carried responsibilities, mediated conflicts, and tried to keep things stable when life around us felt chaotic. It became second nature to anticipate problems and solve them before they grew. This is how I showed up in the workplace before the pandemic as well. Ask my OBTF team! They were amazing and supportive through every single breakdown that I had.

But recently, I remembered something simple: I am actually the third-born.

That realization brought both relief and clarity. Sometimes in families — especially immigrant families or families navigating hardship — roles shift. Younger siblings can end up carrying responsibilities that were never meant to be theirs. We step in out of love, loyalty, or survival.

But at some point, adulthood requires a reset.

Being a supportive sibling does not mean becoming the family’s permanent problem-solver. If you are a sibling without children, it is especially important to maintain serious boundaries with elders and older siblings who may unconsciously lean on you too heavily. Respect can exist alongside boundaries.

Stepping back does not mean you do not care about your siblings affairs. It does not make you a “bad Aunty”. It simply means you are allowing everyone to carry their own responsibilities and learn life skills.

There is freedom in remembering who you are.

You can still love your family, but you no longer have to force yourself into roles that exhaust you. Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is put down the weight we picked up too early.

I picked it up at 11 years old.

I am putting it down at 35.

And when we do, we finally have the space to build our own lives with intention, peace, and clarity.

Heal, Grow, Glow
with Kabasigyi-Bakahondo.
Kahondo is the place where my Grandpa Ezra Mulera was born.

You can hear part of my story in this conversation with Agnes Appiah, a Canadian-Ghanaian MC and host of Umami Conversations, where we talk about my year in Uganda (June 2021-June 2022) and the journey of identity, healing, and reconnection:

https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/agnes-appiah6/episodes/Year-in-Uganda–How-Kabasigyi-Mulera-Healed-and-Found-Herself-e2v4e91/a-abpr6s1

Check out Agnes Appiah and Umami Conversations:

Instagram: @mcamasuccess LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/mcamasuccess